I wish back then that people were as open about masturbation as now. I knew nothing about what I was doing, and it had an adverse effect on me.
I was around 13 years old. My penis was still small and mostly hairless. I had literally three literally curly hairs growing out from the intersection of my penis and lower belly. I was sitting on the toilet. My penis had become erect. I started tugging the tight skin (I’m circumcised) lightly up and down, holding it by pinching the sides between my thumbs and first fingers. It started feeling really, really good, so of course I kept going.
I thought I had to use exactly this grip.
Then I felt something like springs going off in my body. It’s a sensation I soon learned to love, but at the time it freaked me out.
Nothing came out of my penis, but I kind of knew it was about the baby-making process.
For the next couple of days I thought about it a lot, with mixed, but mostly scary and guilty feelings.
A couple of days later, I tried replicating the exact same thing. I sat on the toilet, and grabbed a pinch of the skin on either side of my penis between thumbs and first fingers again. I pulled up and down for a minute, and sure enough, the pulsing, springy feeling came again. I quite enjoyed it the second time.
However, I also became quite scared. What had I done? Was it something bad? Would my parents find out? What would they do to me if they did? Might it be something very bad for my health?
Then, the biggest fright of all: Would people who see me know what I had done? Could they see my face flushed, or something in my expression or something?
It took me well over a month to realize that I didn’t have to hold the skin along the shaft of my penis that exact same way to get the effect. It took me over a year to lose the paranoia.
As I was nearing 14 years old, I was having mini-ejaculations. I was squirting a drop or two of clear cum.
One night before going to sleep, I enjoyed it so much, I decided to do it again right away. But my penis softened, and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get it hard again. I didn’t yet know about the refractory period. I started to get really scared that I had damaged something. I was seriously contemplating telling my father, even though the idea of revealing to him what I had done worried me tremendously. I fell asleep in my distress.
When I awoke, I discovered that I could become erect and ejaculate again. Worry over. Whew!
During the time when just a little semen was coming out, I’d just wipe it on my blanket. In retrospect that blanket had probably become rather crusty, but I was somehow oblivious. My mother washed the blanket, and never mentioned anything to me.
It wasn’t until I was around 18 or 19 years old, that I finally understood that masturbation is natural, and everyone does it, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
