This post has been written because you may not have complete and accurate information on sex and masturbation. I hope you find it informative and interesting.
We know that young people have access to all sorts of pornography on the Internet, and hope this page will help combat some of the incredible misinformation out there, keeping you healthier and safer.
Many still find this subject taboo, something that can’t be spoken or written about, but as you will see, even though you may have hidden yourself under the covers to read this article, it is a subject that is very important to talk about and one that we should believe should be openly discussed.
It’s OK if you don’t already know everything on this topic. Almost everyone your age is in the same boat. Even your parents, wise and kind though they may be, don’t know everything.
Masturbation is as common among women as it is amongst men, but it remains a subject that women still will not discuss. We are going to discuss this topic in depth using detailed images and language which some of you may not be used to seeing or reading.
Let’s start with a fun little anatomy lesson. Grab a mirror and maybe a flashlight and take a good look between your legs. Don’t be scared. You are not doing anything wrong and you should not feel dirty. The slotted area between your legs is your vagina, sometimes also called ‘pussy,’ ‘VJJ,’ or ‘cunt.’ Note that ‘cunt’ is considered by many people as a bad swear word. Your vagina is a fascinating structure with some interesting parts.
Your exploration should be done at your own pace, you may never have touched this area before other than when wiping or showering. You may find that you get some feelings during your exploration that you are not used to, some might be pleasurable, others less so.
You may have an amount of hair around your vagina. It is as normal to have a lot of hair than no hair or little hair. Some girls also choose to shave their vaginas.
Using your fingers, slowly start to investigate your vagina, you only need your fingers for this.
Situated at the top of the vagina, between the outer labia (‘labia majora’), also known as the vulva, and the inner labia (also known as ‘labia minora’), is your clitoris, often simply called the ‘clit.’ On some girls the clitoris is small and hard to find, while on others it is big and easy to notice. The clitoris is the most sensitive part, containing literally thousands of nerve endings. It may be covered by a fold of skin called the clitoral hood. You should be able to gently push the clitoral hood up or to one side and reveal the clitoris. You may find the clitoris is initially too sensitive to touch or sends unusual sensations through your body.
The clitoris is the only organ in your body that has the sole purpose of providing pleasure. We’ll talk more about that later.
If you spread your inner labia apart, and look further down, you may see a small opening, called the urethral opening or ‘meatus.’ The urethra is a tube that runs from the meatus to your bladder, which is a balloon in your body that holds urine (pee).
An interesting experiment you might enjoy is to sit on the edge of your bathtub, and pee a little bit while holding a mirror to watch it happen.
Below the urethra, is a larger opening, which may not be easy to see unless you spread your inner labia really wide. It may seem like an infinitely deep tunnel. That opening may be partially covered by a thin layer of skin called the hymen. Many girls your age no longer have hymens. That little covering often breaks open naturally during an athletic activity such as biking, horse riding, gymnastics, or masturbation with an object or your fingers. If it remains intact, the first time you have sex, the hymen may break then. Some girls notice a bit of pain, and maybe even a little blood when their hymen is broken, but many never even realized it happened.
This large opening, the vaginal canal, is where babies come out. Tiny though it is, the tissues around the opening are very flexible. A few inches inside the vaginal canal is the cervix, sometimes known as the ‘os’ which is a tight opening that leads to your uterus.
Vagina held open with a medical tool called a speculum to show cervix
The uterus is where babies are formed. Beyond the uterus are a couple of tubes, the Fallopian tubes, that lead to ovaries. The ovaries are small white glands that, once you are old enough, send out one microscopic egg once every 28 days. Interestingly, each ovary secretes one egg every 56 days, alternating with the other ovary. All the eggs you will ever deliver, well under 1,000, are already stored in you the day you are born.
If you are already old enough, then you know about periods, also called menstruation. That happens approximately every 28 days. The actual timing may vary, especially in girls who have recently started menstruating. It’s a system to expel unused eggs, and keep your system clean by washing it with a bit of blood. The timing of periods can vary, as well as how much blood is released. Some girls have minor cramping at that time of the month. If you are one of the rare girls in which the blood loss or cramping is severe, you ought to check with a doctor. If you are already menstruating, even with some inconvenience and possible pain, you can be very proud. You have become a woman.
There are many things that affect how often you menstruate including your stress levels, how much you are eating, your general mood.
You might find you feel more playful and want to explore about the time of ovulation. You might not feel that you want to masturbate during your menstrual cycle, but while the orgasms might take longer, they will be better.
You may already know that boys are different. Instead of vagina, they have testicles and a penis. The penis can fill with blood to make it larger and stiff. From the same tube in the boy’s penis that carries urine, the boy can squirt out a small amount of liquid called semen, also known as ‘cum,’ ‘spunk,’ or ‘jizz,’ that contain millions of microscopic cells called sperm.
Male sexual organs
If a boy squirts sperm (semen) into your vagina, and even if just one of them meets up with an egg, a baby may start to form. You will be pregnant. Since the sperm and eggs are microscopic, and since us humans are so perfectly designed to create babies, it is a very good idea to avoid getting any semen in your vagina unless you are ready to become a mother.
The idea of having a baby is very romantic, but the reality is 18 years of hard labor. Not only that, but in a world with over 8 billion people, maybe adding another human into the mix isn’t such a great idea right now.
Basically, masturbation, and other things you can do besides intercourse (also known as ‘coitus,’ ‘sexual congress,’ ‘balling,’ ‘banging’ or ‘fucking’), makes a lot more sense, and turns out to be just as enjoyable.
When you looked at your vagina with a mirror, what you saw may be different than the picture above. Just like our faces are all different, so are vaginas. Take a look:
The shape of your body, whether or not you have breasts and body hair, depend on your age, and genetics.
In addition to your height, weight, and color, the size of your vagina, inner labia, clitoris can vary. Some women have pigmented inner labia, and some do not. The same is true for nipples. Some are large, some are small, some are light, some are dark.
Most men and women have at least some body dysmorphia. That’s where you don’t think you look good. This can be nearly crippling for many people. Interestingly, some of the best looking people think they look terrible. Chances are you are much more beautiful than you realize.
Masturbation, what does it mean?
Masturbation, also known as wanking, fapping, solo sex, jerking off, jilling, and about a thousand other names, is the practice of stimulating your body in a way that’s different than any other ways you may be familiar with. It can be satisfying like eating a good meal, getting enough sleep, winning a game, or soothing an itch. However, this satisfaction is most often felt in your genitals, meaning your vagina, breasts, or anus. Masturbation usually results in an orgasm. It doesn’t have to end in an orgasm, and it doesn’t have to be genital. I read about one woman who did have orgasms when her boyfriend rubbed the area between her shoulders on her upper back. Many people enjoy masturbation without orgasming.
It is very possible you don’t know what an orgasm is. Some women never experience an orgasm. A few have their first orgasms past the age of 40. On the other end of the spectrum, you’re never too young to have an orgasm.
So what is it? An orgasm is an involuntary reaction to a thought or physical stimulation. The usual orgasm starts with a chill building up in your body. Typically, this chill will be in your vagina or lower belly, but could be anywhere, even the top of your head. It is a rather delicious chill, and your body lets you know it wants more. Within a minute, the chill builds into something much more. Some have likened it to a sneeze, except much more pleasurable. Your muscles may tighten, you may start to shake uncontrollably, your conscious brain may go momentarily offline, you may loose bladder control, and you may feel contractions in your vagina. The orgasm usually lasts only a few seconds, although some women will have two or more orgasms in a row. After the orgasm, you may feel sexually satisfied, you may be sleepy or be very relaxed. Some women even cry after an orgasm. That crying isn’t from sadness. It’s not necessarily joy, either. It’s more of a release.
Every other form of emotional release is also possible, grunting, moaning, whimpering, shouting, or even screaming.
Which parts of my body do I use to masturbate?
Masturbation is stimulating parts of your body, usually with the intention of giving yourself an orgasm. The main part for most women is the vagina, and may be specifically the clitoris, that little button at the top of the vagina between your inner labia. However, masturbation can include stimulating the nipples, the anus, the mouth, even the legs, hands, belly, and other body parts.
Sex
What are the differences between masturbation and sex?
The most obvious difference is masturbation is something you do yourself. ‘Sex’ when used to mean ‘sexual activity’ involves at least one other person. Sex usually refers to intercourse, which is the placing of the male penis in the female vagina. Variations include anal intercourse, oral sex, frotting, hugging, sensual massaging, and fingering, all of which are covered elsewhere in this website.
An in between activity is mutual masturbation, in which two or more people masturbate each other. Some people take the word ‘sex’ to mean only ‘intercourse.’ Others use sex to indicate any activity from solo masturbation, or kissing to intercourse.
Female mutual masturbation
There are some dangers in any form of sexual activity involving more than one person. Let’s look at a few possible complications. Then you can decide if you might rather just masturbate:
You can become pregnant. You may be surprised at how young an age this can happen. For most girls, they are not fertile until at least age eleven. But some have become pregnant as early as five years old. Are you equipped to manage a baby?
You can become so sick that you can’t get out of bed, or visit any friends, and then you die. I know that sounds dire. but guess what? It is! I’m not saying that everyone who has sex is going to die, but is it a risk you really want to take for just a few minutes of pleasure?
The deadly sicknesses include syphilis, monkeypox, Covid-19, and AIDS. Sure, many people recover from these diseases, but some do not.
There are also milder diseases, but they can hound you for the rest of your life. Once you catch herpes, which usually manifests as blisters around your mouth or genitals, it can come back again and again. But worse, you can never kiss anyone ever again, in case you’d give them herpes.
Then there are the social issues. You might find a sexual mate who takes advantage of you. That can range from painful teasing, to physical injury. You might develop a reputation that you can never live down. For instance, imagine that your boyfriend takes a picture of you in a suggestive pose with no clothes on. All is good until you break up. He decides to post your picture on the Internet. Guess what? You can never remove a picture posted by someone else. It can spread like wildfire. In time, your friends, classmates, aunts, uncles, teachers, and even your parents may see the picture.
Many young people have this belief that bad things happen to other people, not them. That works fine, until it doesn’t.
So, we heartily recommend being satisfied with masturbation. Surprisingly, you can have a better time with masturbation than with intercourse. You get to masturbate where you want, when you want, and the way you want, rather than having to compromise all those decisions with someone else.
You may be surprised to discover that masturbation has many benefits, many of which are listed on the home page. Basically, you can feel better about yourself and your situations, can improve your physical health, and even study better.
When should I start masturbating?
Start when you feel like it. Some girls have masturbated since such an early age they can’t remember when they started. Three-year-old girls have been known to masturbate. Others don’t start until age 40. Some never did start. It’s all good.
When will I stop masturbating?
I once masturbated with an eighty-year-old woman at the annual Masturbate-A-Thon in San Francisco. I know a fellow who is 88 years old and still masturbates almost daily. There is no age limit.
Who else masturbates?
Practically everyone of all ages masturbates. You might be surprised to find out that it’s very likely that your teachers, your minister, your aunts, uncles, even your parents wank. We’re all wankers. Oh, sure, many will never admit it, but they still do it. You see, there’s a weirdness in our society. People are very reluctant to talk about masturbation. Fortunately, this attitude is shifting, but you’ll still find it is so strong in many people that they will claim they don’t masturbate, even though they do.
It’s kind of like the opposite of smoking cigarettes in the 1950s. People pretty well knew it was bad for health, but no one would talk about it, and people had to smoke because all their friends did it.
Why have I suddenly started to become interested in masturbating?
Sudden interest in masturbation is common. It may begin when your hormones shift as you grow, it may be because of a natural time of sexual awakening, or awareness in social circles. If you friends start talking about sex or masturbation, it makes sense that it might become interesting to you also.
What about negative influences?
“My parents have told me not to touch myself.”
This is wrong, they should have told you that it is fine to touch yourself, but that you should do it in the privacy of your bedroom.
“I’ve been told that genitals are dirty.”
Well, maybe they are, especially the anal area, but you can keep yourself clean, and no harm comes from touching that area of your body. As to ‘dirty’ in terms of ‘naughty,’ that too, comes from old-fashioned beliefs.
“My parents have told me not to masturbate.”
They might be from a generation, religious or conservative background in which masturbation was discouraged, but you can be sure they used to masturbate and probably still do. Things may be mostly different than in your parents’ era, so if they are old-fashioned, it is a good idea to keep your masturbation private. There’s no sense in stirring up a hornet’s nest. On the other hand, honesty is generally the best policy. If you feel you can open a discussion about masturbation with your parents, you may find that they can be more supportive than you thought.
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“The society I live in says that you should not masturbate so I am scared to do it. I keep being told at church that it is sinful.”
This is rapidly becoming old-fashioned. Even some church leaders are now acknowledging that masturbation is not only OK, but has benefits.
“I’m worried about what my parents or siblings will think if they know I am masturbating.”
They know that you are of an age where you probably will masturbate. Chances are, they won’t say anything about it, or if they do, they’ll approach it in good humor, maybe even jokingly.
“I am scared to masturbate.”
Just like driving a car, or doing anything new, masturbating for the first time can be scary.
“I am scared of my siblings and what they will think about be masturbating.”
If they are older than you, they are probably more worried about you discovering their interest in masturbation, than them discovering you.
“What if I get caught masturbating?”
First, make an effort to avoid being caught. For most people, masturbation is a private activity. If you are caught, the results will depend on who catches you. Scared, conservative parents may have an improper negative reaction. It’s the way they were brought up. Hopefully, you’ll be able to excuse their behavior. Others will encourage you. Some will offer guidance or instruction. A very common reaction is to install a lock on your bedroom door, wink, and say something like, “You’re old enough now, you deserve your private time.”
As with most everything in life, clear communication is best. It is OK to admit to most parents, siblings, and other family members that you enjoy masturbation. If they are enlightened, they’ll probably admit that they do also.
So, I have decided I want to masturbate, what now?
Make sure you have enough time and privacy. Ask your family not to barge into your room, or bother you. If you and your family are good at communication, you can actually say something like, “I’m going to masturbate, so please don’t disturb me for a while.”
Never lock your door. Locking a bedroom door is dangerous for medical and fire reasons. You might enjoy setting the lighting the way you’d like, and put on some nice music.
Have a nice meal beforehand, and go to the bathroom if you feel the need.
You might like to do this after a bath or shower, so you are clean, refreshed, your hands are warm, and perhaps you are already naked. You can masturbate while clothed or nude. Most people prefer nude if there is time enough to undress and dress. Some, will simply lower their pants, or remove a skirt, and lower their underwear.
I like to recommend starting with a full body examination and adoring love of yourself. It doesn’t matter if you could add or lose some weight, whether you are tall or short, or if your hair isn’t right. This is the time to absolutely love who you are. You might like to admire yourself in a full-length mirror. Notice your breasts, your butt, all the curves of your body. It is not only OK to touch yourself, but can be great. Run your hands over your sides, your breasts, between your legs, over your butt, and just enjoy the sensations.
You may not need any further instruction at all. You may instinctively run your hands between your legs several times. You may automatically discover that special button, your clitoris, and give it attention. Or, maybe not.
You might get a kick out of very lightly running your fingers over your nipples. Then, maybe very lightly, touch your vaginal area. If it is covered with hair, touch it so lightly that you’re only gently brushing the hairs. If there is no hair, see how very lightly you can touch yourself. You may find that your body wants to open naturally, to let your fingers start touching your inner labia, and then your clitoris more and more.
When ever you give yourself self-love and massage, use the strokes that are for you. Deep, long, short, firm, light or delicate. Remember that this is your body, your feelings, do what feels good for you and not someone else.
Use on finger to make snail trails around your body, all over, find out what feels good. Use the underside of your finger, or introduce a nail to lightly scrape over your skin.
Don’t be surprised if you find the area becoming wet and slippery. Some women secrete a sort of oil naturally, that was created to help a penis slip easily into the vagina. Some women do not have this effect. You might want to try some olive or coconut oil, or a safe body lotion to lubricate the area.
In case you are one of the people who get particularly wet, you may want to have a towel under your body.
If you haven’t been directed by the feelings in your body what to do, then may I suggest you start running one or two fingers over your clitoris repeatedly. You might like to try a circular motion on your clit with one or two fingers. Be patient. Nothing may happen. That’s OK, you can just enjoy whatever happens.
Fantasy is a major component in most masturbation. It is OK to fantasize about any safe activity with any person. It may not be at all appropriate to act on those fantasies, but it is totally OK to let your mind wander to sexy situations.
There are some people that will use porn, but thoughts and feelings from your own body are always so much better, real and felt within you.
Do your fantasies concern you? For instance, you may find yourself thinking about a girl or woman. Interest in women is called ‘lesbianism,’ ‘homosexuality,’ or ‘gay.’
As it turns out, everyone is on a bisexual spectrum. That means that no one is 100% straight (interested only in men), or gay (interested only in women). Oh, some people are very close to one end of the spectrum or another, and it’s all fine. Our positions on that spectrum can also vary over time.
As you continue to rub your clit and fantasize, you may have very delicious feelings. These are often described as chills that can happen anywhere in your body from head to toes, but are usually centered in the lower belly or genital region. You may feel like you are going to pee. Usually, that doesn’t happen.
Now, some women will quit at this point. The feelings scare them, so they stop the stimulation. That’s a shame. They are missing out on something very nice. We urge you to continue and find out what happens. Let the feeling build. Suddenly, the chill may become one of the best feelings you’ve ever had in your life. At the same time, you may feel rhythmic contractions in your vagina or anal area. Just let it happen and enjoy. Congratulations, you’ve had your first orgasm!
Wasn’t as great as you expected? Sometimes that happens with your first few orgasms. As you become more relaxed, more used to the situation, they can build into something truly fantastic.
Some women will want to stop very soon after orgasming. Others want do do it repeatedly, having several orgasms in a row. There’s no telling which style is yours, and it really doesn’t matter.
Now that you are a wanker (masturbater), you might want to explore some variations.
Perhaps the most common variation is to insert your fingers or an object into your vagina. Whatever you use should be smooth and clean. Use some slippery cream or oil if you need additional lubrication.
Remember that you do not need to penetrate your vagina at all. Many girls get as much pleasure from the outside and do not need anything to go inside at all.
At first, don’t go in too deep, or use something too big around. There’s lots of time for careful exploration of the limits later. Avoid anything that’s dangerous such as wood that can splinter, light bulbs that can shatter, and so on. Avoid chemicals such as toothpaste, soap, or anything that can’t be removed. More than one woman has been taken to the emergency room because they put something in their vagina that they couldn’t get out.
Another very interesting erogenous place can be your anus. Erogenous means a place that if touched can feel sexual. You might start with a very light touch or stroking of your anal area with your fingertips. You might prefer to use rubber gloves if you are averse to the possibility of getting some poop on your fingers.
You can also insert things into the anus. You’ll want to clean everything you use afterward. The bacteria that live around the anus can set off an infection in the vaginal area. It’s uncommon, but this can range from an annoying itch, or an undesirable odor, to a serious sickness. So, keep things clean. As with the vagina, whatever you use, if not your fingers, should be small and smooth. Some women have been known to have orgasms just from anal stimulation.
Whether you are putting something into your vagina or anus, you may find it is very tight. This can happen to many women. The muscles can contract really hard. There is no need to force anything. Use lots of lube and start with something thin. You don’t want something so thin or pointy that it could injure you, of course. Take your time. Relax. Breathe deep. If you can’t get it in today, you have all the rest of your life to work on it.
If you feel you would like a sex toy, but are unable to get one due to concerns with your parents or others, then walk around the local supermarket with and open mind and see what you can find. Toilet roll stand? Hairbrush? Toothbrush? Think always what you are trying to do, then let the mind wander.
Can I masturbate with others?
Yes, you can, but there are some things you might like to know:
Masturbating by yourself is far and away the safest form of sex.
In this era of Covid-19, simply breathing near someone else can be dangerous. Plus, you could catch a cold or the flu without even touching anyone.
Covid-19
If you touch someone, the danger increases. You can end up with jock itch, crabs (little insects that live in body hair and are hard to get rid of), or monkeypox.
If you kiss, or do anything involving contact with the genitals, the danger increases yet again, including rather horrible skin diseases, and herpes, a life-long annoyance.
Finally, if you mix bodily fluids, or have any sort of sexual penetration, the risk is even higher. You could catch AIDS. Contrary to popular belief, AIDS is not just something that happens among gay men. That disease can be contracted by men or women and from men or women.
So, if you can be satisfied with solo masturbation, that’s your best bet. Unlike partner sex, you can masturbate when, where and how you want. You can do it absolutely your way, with no need to compromise.
However, if you do want to engage in mutual masturbation, you’re still safer than engaging in other sexual activities.
Mutual masturbation takes many forms, but the most common are:
0. Sharing and comparing. This is not masturbation at all, but you and your friends may like to look at each other naked, noticing breast and nipple size, vaginal shape, ass shape, and the amount of hair on your bodies.
1. Playing doctor. This is surprisingly common among young children. The adult version is to get naked with a friend or several friends, and pretend you are undergoing a medical exam or procedure that involves the genitals. With the youngsters, playing doctor is not necessarily masturbatory or even sexual. With adults, anything can happen!
2. You and one or more friends are near each other, possibly watching and conversing while each person only touches themselves.
3. You masturbate your friend, and then your friend masturbates you. This way, you each get to enjoy the full feelings of being touched, without having to focus on satisfying the other person at the same time.
4. You get in a position where each is masturbating the other at the same time.
Assuming you have a brother, sister, cousin or friend who is interested, yet can respect your privacy by not blabbing to old-school people who could cause trouble, they can be your masturbation partner.
Quite often, mutual masturbation can include mouth-to-genital activities. Typically, this would be sucking on a penis, known as ‘blowjob’ or ‘fellatio,’ or licking a vagina, known as ‘going down on,’ ‘eating out,’ or ‘cunnilingus.’ This is more risky, and I’d really suggest avoiding anything oral. Since you can give and get delightful orgasms strictly with hands, there’s no need for anything more.
Assuming you are under 18 years old, it is a bad idea to masturbate with anyone older than 18 years old. The older person can get in legal trouble for being sexual with an underage person. Furthermore, they can persuade you to do things you’re not ready for. Oddly, sexual activity, even if just mutual masturbation, between someone younger than 18, and someone older, can have unexpected lifelong psychological consequences.
If someone older wants to masturbate, or do anything sexual with you, and you don’t want it, you are well within your rights to say “No.” If that person bothers you continually, badgers you, tries to blackmail you, or physically forces you to get sexual in any way, that’s rape. If you feel this might happen, let a responsible adult know the details of your concern.
Just to be safe, I’d recommend washing your hands before and after mutual masturbation.
If you’re masturbating with a girl, you can do the same things to her that you enjoy. Remember, for most women, starting very gentle is best, and slowly working up to the intensity of stimulation she wants. She may really enjoy non-masturbatory activity first, such as touching or massaging her whole body such as her arms, legs, back, neck, even her face and head.
If you’re masturbating with a boy, you’ll find that they enjoy handjobs. You might start by very light touching of the scrotum, then the tip of the penis. He will become erect if he isn’t already, meaning his penis will harden and become larger. This does not hurt the boy, and indicates he is experiencing a level of sexual expectation or pleasure. You can move your hand up and down on the loose skin of his penis. When boys orgasm, semen flows out of the end of their penis. Avoid getting that semen anywhere around your vagina, so you don’t end up having a baby.
In general, boys are more focused on their genitals. They like having their balls, dicks, and maybe their assholes stimulated directly, and aren’t as interested as girls are in whole body experiences. Whereas you might really enjoy having someone touching your sides, breasts, ass, back, neck, legs, arms and hands, touched, that usually has less effect on boys.
The boys will quite often start off too rough with you. It can be a real turn-off. Remind the boy that girls are different, they like to start with very gentle whole-body touching.
The boys can also become insistent. They are often concerned with just getting on with sex and thrusting in their penises. They quite often want to violate common sense, and will try to talk you into intercourse. Let a boy know in no uncertain terms, as early as you can, that you don’t want to take that risk, and that if he insists, everything good stops right away. If he doesn’t stop, it is rape, a very serious legal problem for him.
I shouldn’t even have to mention this, but if you find yourself in a situation where intercourse is going to happen, you’ll want to make sure to use a proper contraceptive. That’s something that will supposedly prevent pregnancy. Contraceptives are not perfect. They fail all too often.
The most common contraceptive is condoms, also known as ‘rubbers.’ These are thin rubber coverings that a boy can unroll over his penis. That will (supposedly) keep his semen – containing his sperm – within the condom, and not let it into your vagina. A condom is not much help when it comes to crabs, herpes, and a variety of other diseases.
Applying a condom
What if I want to masturbate with a girl? Does that make me gay?
Not necessarily. Many women have had woman-to-woman experiences, yet they end up happily married to a man. Of course if you are gay, also known as ‘lesbian,’ that’s become much more acceptable in today’s society. There’s nothing morally wrong with lesbianism. The only problem you may run into is that there are people in our society who are very down on things they don’t understand, and may give you a hard time.
What’s the scoop on pornography?
Why do we watch porn?
- Curious of what others have
- Curious of what the other sex has
- What is sex “really” like?
- It’s exciting
- We know it is naughty, this turns us on even more
- Risk of getting caught is exciting even if it is scary
- Helps me fantasize, turns me on, makes me really horny
Is porn real?
Much of porn is staged, faked. Some is totally real. It is very hard to tell the difference. The bottom line is that it is entertainment. Many of the porn actors are not typical. They may have overly large breasts or dicks, they may shoot out extraordinary amounts of semen, they may have amazing staying power before they orgasm, they may scream and yell and carry on, they may be especially good looking, and so on.
Some porn is very degrading to women. Those who consistently watch such porn could assume that all women love giving men blowjobs without reciprocation, that it’s OK to slap or hit women, and that it’s all about the man’s pleasure. That kind of porn should be totally avoided.
The better kind of porn portrays men and women as equals. She is entitled to as much pleasure as he is getting. He should treat her as kindly as she treats him. Together, they can explore some crazy and unusual things, but they do it together as partners.
There is also gay porn, porn involving many people, and the less common sexual activities such as anal sex, bondage, and playing with sex toys. This porn should follow along the same lines: Men and women should treat each other equally and with respect.
Porn addiction
Masturbation is not usually addictive. Pornography may be addictive. Here’s how you can tell that you’ve become addicted: If your studies or relationships have changed, if you’re doing poorly in school, or don’t have as much time for your friends and family, you may be addicted.
Most addictions are so difficult to overcome that you’ll need professional help. It may be difficult to bring it up with your parents, but that’s the place to start. If you just can’t, then perhaps another responsible adult can help. That could be a trusted teacher, family member, or the parent of one of your friends. Addictions, whether eating disorders, drug use, or sexual disorders are not something to be ashamed of. They happen to millions of people. In fact, you can be very proud that you’re seeking help.
What happens after an orgasm?
A variety of thing can happen. Not all of these will happen to you although some of these may happen sometimes:
1. You may cry. This isn’t necessary sad or happy crying. It’s just something that can happen after an orgasm.
2. You may immediately want another orgasm.
3. You may not want an orgasm, or to do anything sexual, for anywhere from a few minutes, to many days.
4. You may have mild pain or itching. That will go away soon. If in the very rare circumstance you feel great pain, let your parents know. You may need to see a doctor.
5. You may feel guilty. This is unfortunately common. It’s due to the influence on you from all the old-school misinformation still hanging around that masturbation is supposedly bad.
6. You may feel weak or tired. This can happen after your first orgasms. If it happens later on, you might want to look at other lifestyle issues. Perhaps you’re stressed, not getting enough sleep, or not eating a fully nutritious diet.
What if something isn’t quite right?
As human beings, we tend to worry about things. 99% of the things we worry about turn out to be nothing. Sexual matters tend to be worse, because we are reluctant to discuss them with our parents, doctors, or any other adult.
If you have a concern, communication is the best approach. Most of the time, when you express your worry to an adult, they can put your worries to bed. For instance, when my mother had her first period, and blood came out, she was convinced she was going to die. She reluctantly told her mother about it, who assured her that it was entirely normal. You may have other concerns, perhaps a discharge, an itch, or a concern that you have caused damage due to an usual masturbation technique. Let an adult, or possibly a medical professional if needed, assure you that you’re OK. It’s worth discussing, because it will take a load off your mind.
What if I need to see a doctor?
Doctors are there to help you, not to hurt you.
They see breasts, vaginas and anuses every single day, they will not have any sexual charge, or any concern about seeing yours. They will maintain your privacy while being examined. Only the doctor, possibly an adult chaperone, and anyone who you specifically allow will be present while you’re examined. Normally, after puberty, your parents are not allowed to be in the exam room, unless you give your permission.
Doctors cannot tell, and don’t care if you have masturbated.
Doctors masturbate as well.
We mentioned misinformation once or twice. Here are some common misbeliefs:
- I will lose my eyesight.
- God will chop my hands off.
- Masturbation makes me bald, sick, hair on my palms.
- Bad for my health.
- Stunts my growth.
- Stops my breasts growing.
- Affects puberty.
- My parents can smell if I have masturbated.
Are there unsafe masturbation practices?
Yes, totally.
- Your urethra (peehole) is very susceptible to infection. It is best not to stick anything into the urethra. If you must do so, make sure the object is sterile and smooth. The urethral walls can tear easily, and bleed profusely.
- It is possible to put something in your anus or vagina that you can’t remove. Things with sharp edges are especially problematic for obvious reasons. If you must put big things in, make sure a string is firmly attached so you can pull it back out. Better yet, don’t put big things in there.
- Any sort of exchange of bodily fluids with another person could cause you a lifetime of illness.
- There is no need to combine masturbation with use of drugs, alcohol, or dangerous practices such as cutting. Masturbation by itself is totally enjoyable.
- When it comes to mutual masturbation or other forms of two-person sex, be very careful who you associate with. Some people are terribly abusive.
- Keep your masturbation private. In the heat of the moment, you may let someone participate who will blab all over over town, or worse, post your pictures or video on the Internet. You can never undo that.
- You may see challenges on TikTok and elsewhere that might involve blocking your breathing, or inserting unsafe objects. These challenges do not need to be taken seriously.
So, what are some safe masturbation practices?
- Add peeing into your masturbation practice. Playing with peeing is often called ‘watersports.’
- Masturbate outdoors in a safe and secluded space.
- Lay on one or more pillows, and rub against them, called pillow humping.
- Edging. This is the idea of getting close to orgasm, but putting it off for as long as you can.
- Masturbate on webcam, but only with a trusted friend. Do not keep recordings of your masturbatory times. When webcamming, even with a friend, it is best not to show your face. The other person could have friends in the room watching you, or even making a video of you to upload on the internet.
- Expand your fantasy life while masturbating.
- Medibation is the combination of meditation and masturbation. It can take any form you wish from mindful masturbation, to letting your mind be as clear as you can while masturbating.
- It is possible to read, listen to music, watch videos, and even study while masturbating.