In my teens, I led a ridiculously sheltered life. I didn’t know I was different from anyone else. Then, one day I happened across some pictures on Wikipedia. I was fascinated by penises, but somehow found myself looking at vaginas also.
Where were their sticking out things? Looking close at some of the pictures, I figured out all these women’s vaginas had little tiny clitorises. What was up with that?
Well, it didn’t take me long to figure out that I’m a freak of nature, and frankly, the realization scared me to death.
It took days for me to bring up my concern with the only one I could trust, my mother.
“Oh dear,” she sighed. “I figured this would come up some day. Frankly, I’m surprised you didn’t bring this up sooner.”
As if I wasn’t scared already, sheesh!
She must have seen the look on my face, because she quickly added, “Oh, I mean, there’s nothing wrong…”
Then she hesitated before explaing things to me. “We knew from the time you were a baby that you’re slightly intersexed.”
“Yeah, that means you aren’t 100% female. Oh, it’s common enough.”
Actually it isn’t common, I found out later, but it was kind of her to put it that way.
“Have you ever noticed that your breasts are kind of small?”
“Um, yes, I guess so, Mom, but I figured they’re still growing in.”
“You’re eighteen, honey. They are not going to grow any more. Well, that’s part of being intersexed.”
I was feeling kind of sick to my stomach as she went on. I really wasn’t liking hearing this. I mean, who wants to find out they are a freak?
“When you were a baby, we had some doctors take a look at you. They said you don’t have vegital testicles, which some intersexed people do have. They offered to cut down your, um, clitoris, and we said no. That you could always decide on your own if that’s what you want.”
She went on to explain that I inherited it from my father’s side of the family. Evidently, my grandmother has the same thing. I can’t even imagine… Geez! How did my mother know that, anyway?
Tears were forming in my eyes. Among everything else I was feeling, this was just too personal, especially to be discussing it with my own mother.
“Do you want?”
“I mean, would you like to be surgically, uh, adjusted?”
This was all so new, and unsettling that I reacted weirdly. I moaned and ran out of the kithcen to my room, threw myself down on the bed, and had a good cry.
A half-later with a gentle knock on my door, my dad came in. I really, really didn’t want to discuss this with him. My own father! I think he knew. Wordlessly, he put an arm on my shoulder. A minute later he drew me to him and held me like a baby as I cried outright.
Time went on. A couple of months later, I had my first real boyfriend. Lukar and I were getting close. He let me know in subtle ways that it was time to take it to the next level.
We ended up breaking up over it. Not only was I a scared virgin, but I couldn’t, just couldn’t let him see my fucked up, misshapen vagina.
Months passed. I dared not get close to any other boys. I just couldn’t face the inevitable next steps. Then one day, I was idly watching a cooking video on YouTube, and the chef made some little joke. “When you have lemons, you make lemonade.” Of course I had heard that before, but my silly mind justaposed that with my huge, embarrassing clitoris problem, and some kind of reframe came to me. It hit me hard, but not in a bad way, it caused me to practically laugh out loud.
In my mind, I rephrased it to, “When you have a big clit, you make love.”
I texted Lukar. He was like, “What do you want?” I can’t blame him for the negative response. I mean, from his point of view, we had been really close, yet I wouldn’t have sex with him. When he asked why, I wouldn’t tell him. I’d just burst into tears. I can see how that might frustrate a guy.
It took me days to get him to warm up to me again. In fact, at one point, I had convinced myself he had another girlfriend. But warm up he did, at least a little bit. So it was now or never. If I wanted to keep Lukar, I had to tell him.
There’s a 7-11 near where I live that has a picnic table under a shade tree just to the side of the parking lot. Lukar and I were sitting there eating sandwiches. Once again he was hinting that he’d like to get sexual, and I was holding back. He just came out and said in an annoyed voice, “Why? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Quietly, after a pause, I said, “Well Lukar, there is something wrong with me.” Then I stopped. How does someone admit that their vagina is all wrong? Well, like my parents taught me, quoting a line from the poet Robert Frost, “The only way out is always through.”
“OK Lukar, here’s the thing. My, um…. my vag… my vagina is malformed. There, I said it!”
I’ve never seen such a look of confusion on a guy’s face in my life. “What do you mean?”
Feeling somehow freed from some sort of long, self-imposed bonds from just having said that, in a moment of stupidity, I said, “Here, I’ll show you.”
It may not have been romantic, but I grabbed him by hand and led him to the public ladies room at the gas station next door. I pulled him in. He was understandably sheepish about it. Before I lost my curage, I pulled down my shorts and undies, and let a boy look at my horrible vagina for the first time in my life.
He saw it. How could he not? It sticks out an inch, and as I found out later, more like an inch and a half when I’m aroused. Lukar was at a loss for words as I pulled my shorts back up. Quite understandable under the circumstances. Finally, after perhaps a full thirty seconds, he said, “That’s so cool! It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.”
That was the last thing on earth I expected.
I guess you know where this story is going. Three days later found Lukar and I in my bedroom when my family was out on a two-day holiday. We were kissing and rolling around all over my bed. It was wonderful, but my heart was beating a mile a minute, knowing, or actually not knowing, what was coming next.
We got naked. Surprisingly, now that he had seen ‘it,’ I wasn’t terribly shy about him seening me all clothes-free. In fact, I was absolutely fascinated to see him naked. His penis became erect before my very eyes. As I had mentioned, I’ve been very sheltered. I had seen some penises on Wikipedia, however. Suddenly seeing his real, live penis, I understood the similiarity. I knew what I had. It was a little penis. Or at least similar. The peehole is just under it, not at the tip, but otherwise, it’s quite similar. In time, I even realized it becomes erect just like a penis.
He reached out and touched it. He put a fingertip on my big ‘ole clit. It was like an electric shock. A good electric shock. Just that simple touch was perhaps the most wonderful sensation I had ever felt in my whole life. Did I just imagine that, or was it real?
Lukar indicated I should lay down on the bed. He laid down backward next to me. His fascinating penis was almost against my face. Then he did the unthinkable. He brought his head to my vagina, and tentatively licked my giant clit. He did it again, and again. It was feeling so nice. So incredibly nice! Oddly, I started to get some sort of chill-like feeling throughout my body, but especially in my whole vagina. The chill grew stronger, and suddenly, I was arching my back, screaming, and feeling the most incredible pulsation-like feeling. Of course, you, dear reader, know exactly what I’m talking about, and I did kind of know what was happening. It was my first orgasm, of course. I mean, talk about sheltered. I had never masturbated, or even thought of doing anything like that.
It took me a long time to calm down. Lukar was patient and just held me as I shook, jittered, then cried, and finally laughed.
I’m no rocket scientist, but I figured he wanted something more out of the evening than to see me have an orgasm. Being communicative, I asked what he would like.
“What I want more than anything in the world, is to put my cock in your pussy.” I was a bit shocked by his language. “But, I’m not going to. Not tonight. We’re young, we have plenty of time. Instead, would you like to see a man have an orgasm?”
“I certainly would!”
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he started moving the skin of his penis up and down, and within a minute, he was moaning, and several shots of white stuff came out of him. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I mean, in reality, perhaps it was rather ugly. Like, here’s this thin skin, veiny thing sticking out of a guy, surrounded by unruly curly hair, and it’s spurts out a sticky substance. Who could think that was beautiful? Well I could!
I asked him to do it again. He gently told me that men need time to recuperate, and can only do it once. He promised I’d get to see that again soon.
We fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Over the next two days, I sure had a lot to think about. I figured out my vagina may be deformed, but it didn’t seem to bother Lukar any. We got together again. I thought it might be a repeat of that first time, but no, he had something else in mind.
We kissed for a short while, but both of us were too excited to stick with just that for long. Lukar broke away and pulled a small packet out of his pocket. To give you an idea how sheltered I had been, I was very curious as to what it was. I’m sure you’ve figured it out already. It was a condom. He unrolled it on his penis, while I watched, fascinated.
He had me lay down, and started rubbing his fingertips over my clit. It swelled to it’s full 32 millimeters. I was also getting unexpectedly wet down there. Suddenly, he pulled away, then kind of climbed with his big, heavy body right on top of me. I felt a kind of poking and hair-pulling sensation around my vagina. I wasn’t complaining.
Oh my! Oh, my gosh! My vagina stretched open as he worked his penis slowly in. It kind of hurt a little tiny bit, but I barely noticed. It was the most fulfilling feeling in the whole world. I had no idea anything could be like that. Now I know where the word “fulfilling” came from!
Even though now-a-days it takes more than intercourse to make me orgasm most of the time, I sure did orgasm that night. Almost immediately. And, he orgasmed inside me only a moment later. After we had our orgasms, I wanted him to stay in me forever, even though his body was kind of heavy. But it wasn’t to be. Soon, he softened, and his penis slipped out of me.
Time went on. He went west to college. I went east. We texted all the time. We even sexted. It couldn’t last. We both knew it.
I met another boy. I had no hesitation in telling him that he may be shocked by my huge clit. His eyes lit up not with disgust, or horror, but with excitement. He wanted to see it right away. He, like Lukar, was delighted. We fucked. It was glorious. We hung for a couple of months, but then amicably went our separate ways.
Time went on. I found that my lemon could indeed make lemonade. I became very proud of my super-large clit. Not only that, it always opened doors for me. I would look for an opportunity to mention my ‘deformity’ as soon as I could work it into a conversation with any guy I fancied, and soon enough, we were fucking our heads off!
Supposedly guys are into big tits, yet every one of these guys complimented and fell in love with my relatively tiny tits.
I went from a sheltered girl to practically a nymphomaniac. In college I shifted my major to psychology. That was so I could specialize in sexual psychology. I stayed in college because it was so much fun, even though my student loan was growing through the roof. In time, I recieved my Phd. I stayed on at the college as an assistant professor and then a full professor. I got married to another psychology professor. Like every man I’ve ever met, he was fascinated by, and loved my large clitoris.
We have two kids, a boy and a girl. They are lovely kids. Both geniuses, I’m sure. Well, they do get good grades, are rather athletic, and seem to get along nicely with everyone. Guess what the girl inherited? Yup, you guessed it. She will not grow up so sheltered. I’ll let her know what’s what as soon as she is ready to hear it. I think she’ll be delighted.
Editor’s note: I have seen her clit. I even asked her to get it hard for me. It is larger than usual, but not absolutely huge.