Category: Male Solo

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Sitting on Things

Sexual Sitting on Things

Since before recorded history, men and women have been sitting on things for sexual pleasure.

Women have the advantage in that they have two holes to play with. Women have been known to sit on bedposts and gearshifts, as well as all the usual stuff such as dildos and brush handles.

Of course women are more inclined to sit on things to fill their vaginas, but anal sitting is certainly of interest to some women.

For those who enjoy sitting on things, including your authors, much of the joy seems to be the stretching. How much can one successfully accommodate without pain? And for some, the pain is a fun component also.

One must be really cautious. In fact, you might enjoy sexual sitting vicariously, then have orgasms in more usual ways. The dangers include: Having an object slip entirely into a vagina or anus that cannot be extracted, slipping so suddenly your whole weight falls on the object, injuring your body, going too far and tearing something important, and infection.

If you must, do use lots of lube. Go slowly. Make sure you can’t suddenly slip, putting more weight on an object than you should.

Your author found a hollow plastic juggling club, an object with a round ball at the end just over an inch (25mm) in diameter. Using coconut oil, he lubed it up and slowly, ever so slowly sat down on it. That was just too much. It was starting to hurt, so your author stopped. Then he tried again, and he felt the most delicious stretch. It was no longer painful. In fact, it was delightful, then suddenly, the ball was all the way in. Your author pushed the juggling club in further until the ball was pressing nicely on his prostate. The sensation was a sort of gotta-pee feeling, but nicer. A few drops of semen were being squeezed out of his prostate and slipped along his urethra then dripped out on the carpet. So, he came, but it wasn’t orgasmic.

Then your author went for a walk around the house. The bulk of the juggling club was sticking out of his ass like a tail. He could feel it’s weight tugging ever so slightly on the ball still in his rectum. He could feel the club waiving around with his footsteps.

Being able to resist no longer, he jerked off to a wonderful orgasm. He felt the orgasmic contractions constricting around the stem of the juggling club.

After settling down, he tried to pull the club out, but his ass was clamping down tight. It would not come out. After a minute, he tried again, pulling very slowly as his ass expanded, and then, finally it was out.

Then your author discovered that washing that plastic club with several kinds of soap over the course of several minutes would not entirely remove the sweet anal odor. It didn’t smell like poop, but was concerning because the anal gland smell, although attractive, might be a sure give-away to anyone who would use that club.

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Wanking For Mom and Dad

Not long after turning eighteen, I did something stupid in school. I was sitting behind this girl in AP biology class. She has flowing red hair, and she’s thin, sort of hour-glass shaped, and the teacher had been talking in very general terms about reproduction. Well, all this led up to me being incredibly horny.

Now, you’d think I would be smarter than this, but my brain at that moment was being ruled by my penis. I was in the last row in the classroom. The only person back there in that row with me was Keith, a friend with whom I had jerked off a couple of times on camping trips. I figured if I were to pull down my pants a little bit, and kind of jerk off, it would be OK. The only one who would see me would be Keith.

So that’s what I did. The problem was Keith. I had my pants just sort of lowered down, and had my hard prick in one hand, bu Keith started smiling all big and snickering. I knew I had to quit right away because he was attracting too much attention. I tried really hard to get my pants back up, but I was kind of sitting on the back part of my pants, and they were kind of stuck under my ass. I was afraid to sit up a little bit, in case my prick could be seen over the top of the desk. I was frantically struggling as Mrs. Hawkes, the teacher, stopped in mid-sentence, and walked to the back of the room. Well, I got my pants up in the nick of time, but not before she saw my squirming and pulling my fly up.

It was off to the principal’s office for me, probably the most embarrassing incident in my life. He called my mom, who never answers her phone. But this time she did, and he told her in no uncertain terms that I was caught masturbating in class.

Even though my parents are way cool compared to many others, almost rebellious in their hippie-like ways, I was so fully dreading coming home to face the music that I practically peed my pants on the bus on the way home. My parents are kind of older, and they really were hippies back in the day. They had been at a thing called the Summer of Love in a place called Height-Ashbury. But, they can be strict, too. For instance, I’m going to college, no doubt about it. I had wanted to become an artist, but no, they absolutely won’t allow that. I have to choose between a career in medicine, software engineering or law. Well, they say after I get a degree, I can become an artist if I still want. I do want. I’d like to specilize in drawing nudes. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.

So I got home, and Mom was like, “Wait ’till your father gets home.” She wouldn’t talk any more about it. All I could do was go up to my room and work on calculus homework. It was hard to keep my mind on the math. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t see very well. My eyes were tearing up. Yes, I was pretty much crying. I knew I had so fully fucked up.

Finally, finally, after dinner, my mom told my dad what had happened. To my absolute shock, he didn’t yell or anything. He smiled and said, “A chip off the old block, eh?”

I had no idea what he meant.

My mom kicked in with a basic lecture on why masturbating in class is a bad thing. As if! I mean, I totally knew that was so fucked up, but I guess I had been horny, and that made me stupid. In fact, that’s what Mom said. That the horniness made me stupid.

So what was my punishment? I knew it would be bad. I mean, even though my parents had never hit or spanked me, they had a disappointed way of looking at me that just wrecked me. One time two years earlier when I started a small fire in the backyard that almost got out of hand, their punishment, typical for them, was I had to wear my coat inside-out for a week. You may not think that’s a big deal, but it was the saddest week of my life. I just felt so embarrassed and terrible.

To my amazement, there was to be no punishment for wanking in school. My mom said she masturbated at that age. That’s really more info than I wanted to hear. I mean, who wants to think of their own mother masturbating? Then my father added that he did too, and still does. Geez Dad!

On the other hand, I wasn’t getting away without something. The something they planned was weirder than the worst punishment I could imagine. I guess with my crazy parents, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Together they came up with the plan, explaining that jerking off is not a crime. Being horny is not a crime, but it has no place in the classroom. So they wanted to make sure I would not be horny in school. Their crazy plan floored me: I was to get up 20 minutes earlier than normal. I had to jerk off every morning before going to school. Worse, they were going to watch to make sure I did it, and it was going to start the very next morning.

Now by myself, in the privacy of my own room, I had jerked off a lot in the afternoons, and a number of times at night, but never in the mornings. There was never enough time.

As you can imagine, I had a super-difficult time getting to sleep that night. I was so freaked out. I mean, my parents hadn’t seen me nude since I was old enough to bathe and dress myself, like maybe five years old. Now, I had to not only be naked in front of them, but to ejaculate. As I tried to get to sleep, my heart was beating like a million beats per minute. I tossed and turned for hours in absolute dread. But something else was stirring in me also. There was a weird degree of horniness as I was thinking about jerking off in front of an audience, my parents, in the morning. So there I was, scared, frantic even, and yet horny at the same time. I tried wanking at around midnight as I was still tossing and turning, but I couldn’t even get hard.

I was so groggy when the alarm clock went off twenty minutes early. I did have to pee, so I crossed the hall in my underpants into the bathroom. I peed, I washed up, and brushed my teeth, my heart pounding again.

My mom called me downstairs. I was still in nothing but underpants. I thought of putting something on, but realized that this was the point of no return. No sense dressing for what was to come next. She told me to sit on the washing machine. We have one of those European ones that washes and dries all in one operation. It lives in the kitchen and it’s at just the right height to sit on.

“Sit.” She loudly commanded, but with a kind of smile, or what you might consider a smirk on her face.

So, I sat on the washer. It had been running and I had mildly noticed the pleasant vibrations as I sat there.

“No, take your underwear off.”

“Mom!” I protested, but with a stare over the top of her glasses, I knew what I had to do. I pulled off my underpants, set them on the edge of the washing machine, and then sat down on the machine.

For the first time since before I could remember, I was naked in front of my own mother, and it was not a pleasant experience. I was embarrassed beyond words. What, exactly, I was embarrassed about, I can’t really say. Just maybe something about being naked like that.

Just then my dad wandered into the kitchen sipping his morning cup of hot cocoa. He stared right between my legs, as if he was seeing something very interesting. Then he looked away.

“You shave down there?”

Gosh, as if I wasn’t already embarrassed enough! I explained that all the kids are doing that these days, or at least many of them. Or at least Keith did, but of course I didn’t say anything about him to my mom and dad.

I understood the plan they described the evening before, but my dad felt a need to summarize, calling me by a name he uses only when he really wants to drill something in:

“We want you to have an orgasm, Buster, so you won’t be horny and act improperly in school.”

My voice was surprisingly weak when I asked, almost in a squeaky whisper, “You mean, just jerk off right here?”

“Yup, that’s exactly what we mean,” my mom answered.

I don’t usually stand up to my parents. I mean all the times we’ve ever disagreed, I knew that they were coming from love, knew more than me, and even hippie-like though they were, they always knew what was right. But this time was just too weird. Plus, the last thing I felt like doing was jerking off. I mean, even if they weren’t there. I really wanted to just say “No,” put my underwear back on and walk away. Instead, I just hesitantly sat there.

“Well, go on,” Dad chimed in.

I felt sick. Literally sick. But what could I do? I reached down and touched my wilted little penis with one hand. Mom and Dad were staring right at me. Geez! Geez frickin’ crap!

I spread my legs across the top of the washing machine to give me better access. A wave of something, I don’t know, I guess it was like fear, flooded over me as I realized my parents could see my prick and balls and everything even more clearly.

I did as I was told and started working my hand up and down my totally soft penis. My mom walked over and refilled her coffee as my dad kept watching and sipping his cocoa. I just kept wanking. What else could I do? It seemed like a very long time, but I guess it was only maybe five minutes, while they kept watching, but in a more distracted way. Dad was trying to read something on his phone at the same time, and mom was doing something with the coffee pot. I kept wanking. What choice did I have? It was starting to normalize for me. My heart which had been beating maybe 120 beats per minute slowed down to a hundred.

Then, the washing machine kicked into a spin cycle, causing a much stronger vibration. To my total surprise, that set me off, and my penis started to harden up. Not completely, but it wasn’t totally soft any more.

Mom, ever the joker, said to my dad, “Look Frank, our boy is growing up!”

He snorted out a brief laugh. I have to admit, I kind of smiled. Maybe in other circumstances it would have been quite funny, but to me, it was sort of embarrassing-funny at the time.

Another minute went by, and I had become fully erect. Not another minute passed, and I was spurting cum all over the top of the washing machine. Oddly, it was one of the strongest orgasms of my life. I have to admit, even with them standing there not 5 feet from me, and watching intently, I enjoyed that orgasm very much.

Mom clapped her hands with a smile on her face. Dad said, “I knew you could do it,” and laughed at his own joke.

However, not twenty seconds later, a wave of shame came over me. I grabbed my underpants and ran out of the kitchen.

Talk about not concentrating in school. It was a horrible day, learning-wise. That evening, no one spoke of the whole thing until at dinner, my sister, back from college for a few days, spoke up saying, “I heard I missed quite a show!”

Evidently, she heard about the whole thing. I really wished my parents hadn’t said anything to her. I mean, really. That was so embarrassing.

My mom looked at her like, “You weren’t supposed to let him know we told you that.”

Dad said, “Careful young lady, or we’re going to make you do the same thing.”

My sister made a face, cryptically said, “I like the washing machine,” but then didn’t say another word.

You may think this is weird, but I jerked off again before going to sleep. And what was I thinking about? Right, I was remembering the washing machine jerk in the morning, especially the part about Mom and Dad watching.

The next morning, I had to do the same thing. This was not a one-off as I had hoped. What I had kind of assumed is that my parents would forget about it, or be satisfied with that single time.

Here’s where it gets weird. I actually wanted to do it again, or at least a little bit. I especially wanted my sister to be there. Go Figure! She wasn’t there. She left early to drive back to campus. Again my heart was beating really fast. Again there was my mom with her coffee and my dad with his hot chocolate, and me sitting naked on the washing machine.

This time, even though the washer wasn’t running, I was erect right from the start, which actually concerned me. What would my parents think if they figured I was enjoying this? I decided not to worry about that.

I did the deed. It took only around five minutes, and again I was spurting cum on the top of the washing machine. It was rather joyous. I was alright with my parents watching this time. OK, I have to admit, I was rather proud to have them watch me. How weird is that?

Let me bring this account to an end. Here’s what happened: The three of us repeated this activity for about a week even through the weekend. One day, my dad was not standing there holding his hot chocolate. He had set it on the table in front of him, sat down, took off his own underwear, and wanked right along with me. I couldn’t see his penis under the edge of the table, but it was obvious that he was having a good time. Meanwhile, my mom was all smiles.

Over the course of a few weeks, I’d wank every morning right there in the kitchen. My parents started to pay less and less attention. My dad didn’t wank any more. My mom never did. She never even stepped out of her clothing. I know it’s kind of weird, but I would have enjoyed watching her nude and masturbating. I would really have liked to see my sister nude and fingering herself. But that never happened. She never even saw me doing it. I kind of wish I had the opportunity to have her watch me.

Then, it started to be where I would be a little late one morning, or just didn’t feel like jerking off, and I’d skip it, and my parents didn’t care. Oh, I still wanked at least daily, but I think I’m more of an evening guy. I’d jerk off in bed, more often than not picturing one of my morning sessions with my parents. Pretty soon, I was almost never jerking off in the kitchen any more. Then it was off to college.

I believe my parents’ crazy plan has been really helpful. In the dorm room, my roommate and I can wank whenever we want, right in front of each other. That’s great freeing. I would never have even imagined such a thing if it hadn’t been for those morning wanks in my family’s kitchen. I feel like I am very balanced about masturbation. I don’t feel it’s a guilty pleasure like what so many other people seem to feel. Oh, and wanking in the mornings in the dorm as often as I do, I’m never horny in class. My pre-med studies are going great!

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AAA Battery

I found that although tight, I can insert a triple A battery entirely into my urethra. It has to be sterilized with alcohol, and well-lubed. I find there is a restriction about 1 centimeter beyond the peehole, but with patience, I stretched it, and pushed past that. I felt the tightness of the battery sliding in. There was a minor stinging sensation, but very slight.

Using my fingertip, I finally pushed the battery all the way into my urethra until it entirely disappeared from sight. It felt great. I walked around with the battery in my erection for a few minutes. I could feel the extra weight. I did keep checking that the battery wasn’t sliding further down into my cock. I think it’s unlikely it would get past my sphincters, but still, it was a concern.

Finally, I jacked off with the battery still in and it delightfully blocked my cum.

After I settled down, I pushed on the bottom of my battery, through the underside of my cock. It took a moment but then the battery reaappeared, followed by the remains of my cumshot. For the next day, peeing stung a little bit.

I’m going have to do this again someday soon, maybe with two batteries next time.

For those who are interested in this sort of thing, you might enjoy Personal Experiences with Sounding

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Like Einstein

Like Einstein, masturbation technique

This isn’t a report from a client. This was me. It’s a quick memoir and a sort of how-to guide about having extra-long periods of ejaculatory spasming or what I call ‘contracting.’

Einstein had a theory that wasn’t proven by scientific observation until 19 years later.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait that long.

About two years ago, I was playing around with a friend. He wanted me to pinch the tip of his penis closed just as he was ejaculating, so the cum would be trapped inside.

Just as he was going to cum, I pinched his peehole between my thumb and first finger. His dick started spasming, but of course nothing came out. Here’s the weird part: His urethra and perineal area kept on contracting and contracting, at least twice as long as a normal orgasm.

When he finally settled down, I let go, and the cum flowed out. We both really enjoyed that.

Since that time, I have hypothesized that the extra long orgasm was caused by the cum trapped inside, but somehow never got around to experimenting with it. But maybe it was just the excitement of trying a new experiment with me, his buddy.

This afternoon, I was playing with extended dry orgasms as I often do. For those who don’t know, with practice you can get to the point where you have orgasms, contractions and all, but nothing comes out, and you can do it for literally hours. You can also have longer orgasms that last for minutes at a time. All you have to do is practice edging, until you can maintain the balance easily, then you can go just a bit farther, ending up with dry orgasms. I’ve discovered that your body actually learns to help you. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

So that’s what I was doing. After maybe 45 minutes, I went too far. I felt a full ejaculation coming on, but I wasn’t prepared. Not having anything handy to catch a mess, I pinched the tip of my dick closed. I felt the pressure from each contraction, but no pain. Not even any discomfort. It was really very nice. But the crazy thing is it didn’t stop. I just kept contracting and contracting. It lasted about three times longer than a normal orgasm.

So, my theory was proven! Then, being the good scientist I imagine myself to be, I thought I might video the same thing this evening. First, I did the dry orgasm thing over the course of about 20 minutes. Then I set up my phone and started videoing. I decided to go ahead and ejaculate while pinching my cockhead again, and sure enough. the contractions came. This time, they only lasted perhaps one and a half times as long as an ordinary orgasm. Maybe it was because I wasn’t as fully charged up as I had been earlier in the day. The video didn’t come out very well. I plan to continue my experiments with blocked ejaculations tomorrow, seeing if I can get longer orgasms, and get it on video.

I wonder if in the same way I learned to have these continuous dry orgasms, the technique of blocked ejaculation will evolve into something more spectacular? Like what I could learn to just keep ejaculating as long as I want? I truly think that might be possible.

I’ll keep you posted.

Please comment below. I live and write for your comments!

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Benefits of Wanking

benefits of masturbation

In the not so distant past, masturbation was frowned upon. People are just now waking up to its many benefits. We still have a long way to go to bring about a healthier society. As your reward for promoting masturbation and Sex270.com to your friends, family, and coworkers, you’ll find lots of goodies in this website, including tips, techniques, videos, great erotic short stories, true memoirs, complete online ebooks, and a complete A to Z encyclopedia of sex. It’s all free and complete. Enjoy!

Benefits of Wanking

  • You can have a good time by yourself at home in this era of self-quarantine, reducing or eliminating loneliness and depression.
  • Clears the mind: Masturbation can be even better than meditation for breaking out of thought loops, eliminating worry, understanding things in new ways, overcoming mental blocks, and coming up with creative solutions.
  • Saves lives: STDs can be deadly. Masturbation by yourself or with friends is the safest form of sex.
  • Population control: With almost 8 billion inhabitants on this small planet, wouldn’t it be great if all the children being born were truly wanted?
  • Eliminates horniness: When you live without sexual frustration, you make better choices. Stop telling off-color jokes at the wrong times. Avoid bothering people for sex. Quit settling for partners who are not right for you, only to get sexual satisfaction.
  • Health: According to recent research, it boosts the immune system, balances hormones, and reduces blood pressure. People who jerk off at least once a week have thirty percent fewer heart attacks, half as many strokes, and are forty percent less likely to come down with diabetes than everyone else.
  • Slows aging: Those who fap regularly are more likely to live past eighty years old.
  • Reduces pain: Dopamine and oxytocin, feel-good neurochemicals, are released. Wanking can be particularly effective for mild muscle aches, nausea, and headaches. For instance, it is has been known to reduce arthritis pain for 2 to 8 hours after a masturbation session. Jacking or jilling can also reduce the recovery time after sports over-exertion.
  • Helps with psychological balance: Reduce stress, increase confidence, calm runaway emotions.
  • Eliminates bad habits: Replace your addictions or bad habits with masturbation.
  • Helps with weight management: It’s not practical to eat while masturbating, plus the hormones released help regulate hunger.
  • This form of recreation requires no organization, no travel, no certification, no training, no special equipment, no investment and produces very little pollution.
  • It is the great equalizer. You can be anyone young or old, rich or poor, pretty or not, and you can still have wonderful solosex, just like everyone else.
  • Saves money: Masturbation costs nothing, compared to dating, which requires the cost of dinner, transportation, entertainment, and often much more.
  • Saves time: You might think that masturbation takes up valuable time, but it is far less time than driving to meet someone, and all the time that dating requires.
  • For men: Last longer in sex, eliminate premature orgasm, possibly reduce the risk of prostate cancer. Reduces likelihood of erectile dysfunction and incontinence.
  • For women: Improve your self body image. Smooth out the monthly cycle. Learn what you like and don’t like sexually.
  • For students: Be more effective in studying. The dopamine released has a positive effect on the learning centers of the brain. Jerking off to relieve horniness will allow you to focus better.
  • For everyone: It’s so much fun!

This is a Quora post in reference to someone who said that based on his personality, it was fairly certain that Adolf Hitler did not masturbate:

“LOL, I wouldn’t know for sure, having no idea how much the dude masturbated or had sex, but I do know that afterwards, I am much calmer and more peaceful, and I’ve known several people who didn’t masturbate, at least temporarily, and they were stressed, tense, irritable, critical, over-sensitive, hyperaware of sexual matters and stimuli, complains all the time, sometimes aggressive, and moody. I know how I was when I didn’t masturbate or have sex for long periods of time.

“I’m not sure it would have made a difference, as reportedly he did what he did deliberately to incite violence and hatred and conflict between the races. And people allow themselves to be manipulated by clowns like this, and the media that tells them what to think and feel.”

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Jerking Off is Fantastic


by Spurtz

As we all know, masturbation is a great way to relieve stress. And it feels really good. I got to thinking about all the various places I’ve masturbated and thought it was worth reviewing. Maybe bring back some good memories to my readers.

Unfortunately I really can’t remember my very early days of masturbation. At least not the specifics. My guess is that it mostly took place in bed or on the toilet. The toilet would have been preferable due to no mess to clean up and the ability to lock the door. Locking my bedroom door would have raised questions I wouldn’t want to answer.

But jerking off on the toilet had a downside. I had to push my hard cock down at an unnatural angle to shoot my cum into the bowl. And to me, that detracted somewhat from the orgasm. Cumming always feels much better to me when my cock is pointing up. More on that later.

Jacking off in bed was more satisfying although it required clean-up and if I wasn’t careful, the clean-up could involve more than just wiping semen off of my stomach and chest.

Growing up as a pre-teen we lived on a 70-acre tract and as the only boy in the family and no other kids living close by, I spent a lot of time roaming the woods behind my house by myself. Many of those hikes included taking my cock out and jacking off in the woods and watching my cum spurt onto the ground or nearby bushes.

Like all teens in high school, my dick was hard almost all the time in class. I had a couple of pairs of pants that had a hole in the right pocket. I would manage to get my cockhead through that hole and sit in class with my hand in my pocket and massage the head of my prick. One time I went too far and ended up with a load of cum in my pocket. Fortunately it didn’t bleed through the cloth and I managed to do a half-assed clean-up in the boy’s room.

Lots of masturbation occurred when I was fully dressed. If I found myself alone but worried that I might get caught, I would just unzip my pants, take my dick out, and start pounding away. Depending upon where this was taking place, I had to be conscious of where the cum would go. Sometimes into a wad of Kleenex or toilet paper and sometimes just wherever I could shoot it. The biggest concern was getting it on my clothes where my mother might see it when she washed my clothes. That did happen often enough that I’m sure she did see it but she never said anything.

By the time I was 15, while still jacking off every chance I could find, I had also discovered girls. But my sole interest back then was fucking them. Like an idiot, if I was rebuffed, I never even considered the fallback position of a handjob. Dumbass me. So most of my jackoffs were by my own hand and not that of a partner.

As I got older and had more partners, masturbation by a female partner became a part of my regular sexual activity. Lots of variations on the theme occurred. My second wife and I enjoyed the use of an outdoor hot tub. I would put my dick in front of one of the jets and she would do the same with her clit. When I reached the point of no return, I would stand up and she would jump up and jack me off onto the grass around the hot tub. I did not want to ejaculate into the water for obvious reasons. She would let the water jet finish her off.

Another thing she came up with out of the blue, was she managed to get her tongue in my asshole while jacking me off. This was the first time I begin to suspect that she was learning these tricks from another partner. This was before the internet so she didn’t pick it up there. If I had asked her, she likely would have told me that one of her girlfriends told her about it. Possibly that was true.

Another new trick she sprung on me was lubing up my dick with Vaseline. Despite me being in my 30’s, it had never occurred to me to do that. I figured she might have learned that from whoever was fucking her besides me.

While married to my second wife, we lived on a one acre lot that was heavily landscaped. Tons of yardwork was required which I really enjoyed doing. My favorite dress for yardwork was a t-shirt and some cutoff jeans. With no underwear. The jeans were cut quite short and while working in the yard, my cock would manage to work its way down one leg with the head exposed. That would lead to me rubbing the head and getting a full hard-on. Once I was hard, jerking off was the logical next step. I remember the many times I would get my dick out right in my yard and jack off onto the grass. The heavy landscaping kept me from being seen by any neighbors or passers-by. This literally occurred every time I worked in the yard. There was something taboo about it that made it super sexy.

One girl I dated for a while liked to play with my dick while we were driving in the car. The problem with it was a couple of times she went too far and I couldn’t hold back cumming. At the time you don’t give a shit about where the cum is going to go but afterwards, when there’s jism splattered all over your clothes, it becomes a real problem. She always thought it was hilariously funny for me to be covered in cum.

For a couple of years between marriages I had a fuckbuddy who was great fun. Nothing was taboo and she loved to jack me off. She was a hairdresser and would come to my house to cut my hair. When I knew she was coming I would edge for several hours ahead of time so I was primed by the time she got there. I would strip and sit in a chair in my kitchen and she would cut my hair. When she finished I would jack off while she watched. The goal was to see how far I could shoot. She actually got down with a tape measure and measured off a couple of inches short of five feet. On a second similar try I thought I had exceeded that number but another measurement was basically the same. After I came, we would jump in the shower together and by the time we got out, I was primed for more sex which would entail blowjobs and fucking.

One other time we both sitting naked on my balcony. She jacked me off and I shot over the balcony railings. I was on the third floor. I looked down and the first floor condo had a patio and there on the patio was a table with several blobs of semen splattered on it. Luckily nothing ever came of it.

The two of us were in San Jose Del Cabo at the tip of Baja. We had a late dinner and then walked the totally deserted main street of the town. I had to pee really bad and she encouraged me to do it in a doorway. I said I would if she would hold my cock for me. She did and when I finished peeing she started jerking me off and kept it up until I shot a load onto the sidewalk. This was right in the middle of town but it was midnight and we were pretty much on our own.

Then my third wife loved to play with my dick. But she had a thing about not wasting my cum. I had to finish off either down her throat or in her pussy. That was a bit of a setback for me because I’ve always got off on seeing the semen spurt out of my dick. That’s a sight I dearly love. Plenty of women get off on a good cumshot, but not my wife.

So she would give me a great handjob but once I got close, I had to finish off down her throat. Don’t get me wrong. Those were some fabulous orgasms as she sucked the cum out of my dick.

Later in life between marriage number two and three, I got involved with some M2M sessions. Some mutual jackoffs with another guy. Then I promoted several circle jerks with anywhere from four to six guys total. Lots of great jacking off and cum spurting. Even had my then girlfriend join one of the circle jerks and she jerked off all four of us to spurting orgasms. Great fun. One of the circle jerk guys brought his cute girlfriend to a threesome with me. No fucking but she jerked us both off. I loved it when she took some tissues and wiped my dick and chest clean of cum. Very, very hot. I’ve never really understood my reasoning, but getting all the cum cleaned up by my partner is very erotic to me. Holding my dick and wiping the still engorged dripping head clean of cum is the best. Love it.

In recent years with the advent of the internet and endless porn available, most of my jacking takes place in front of the computer in my home office. My office chair sits on one of those large plastic mats and I can just spurt my load right onto the mat for easy cleanup. Again, cock angle has a lot to do with the degree of pleasure achieved through orgasm. If I remain sitting, I have to push my dick down in order to easily shoot onto the plastic mat. So I usually stand up and just bend over. But the process of going from sitting to standing while whacking away, somehow lessens the intensity of the orgasm. The solution is to remain sitting and just not aim my dick at the floor. Unfortunately, the result of that is cum shooting all over my chest and lap. Sometimes I’m in the nude so it would be reasonably OK to do that but most of the time I’m clothed with just my pants pulled down and the result would be sticky semen all over everything.

It’s been years since I’ve jacked off in bed. Occasionally, I will be sitting out on my back patio and get the urge to cum. So I go ahead and jack off and then shoot onto the adjacent plot of grass. I’ve been single for quite some time now, so I can jack off very frequently with no concern of being interrupted. Although I do think one of the gardening crew might have caught a glimpse of me jacking my dick one time. Years ago, in a different house in a different town, the gardening crew was a man and his wife. She clearly saw me jacking off one time and even after I was aware that she saw me, she continued to watch until I shot my load. I was too close to even think about stopping. Then she turned away and went back to work.

Even at a fairly advanced age, I usually jack off twice a day. Sometimes more

Happy jacking, fellow masturbators.

#####

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Thirty-Four Boys

Last year was my first year of high school. In my opinion, the school has been over-reacting with political correctness because about seven years ago, a popular boy died of testicular cancer.

Ever since, twice a year, the school has had all the boys get testicle exams.

From practically the first day of school, I heard about these exams in vague ways. I was too shy to ask any questions, but knew with a degree of concern, that the day was coming.

After the first few weeks, the day came. There was no advance warning. Was it like a drug test – where you don’t want to inform the boys so they won’t cheat? Who knows what the powers to be were thinking?

We came into the locker room, and it was noticeably warmer than usual. We were told to take showers first thing, then report back to the benches in the locker room without any clothing. I was disappointed because this was the soccer rotation, and I was getting gypped out of a soccer game. I really like soccer. But I was also scared. Why, I didn’t know. I just was.

It’s not like I hadn’t seen the other boys naked before. The showers are individual stalls, but the locker room is a common area, and you do see guys changing. I didn’t think I was gay or anything, but I did find the other guys dicks and balls ‘interesting.’

So, as instructed, we hit the showers, then came back and sat on the two rows of benches between the lockers. There were 34 of us kids, we were essentially two rows of 17, facing each other – stark naked.

Mrs. Coltone came in. She’s the school nurse. It was very weird sitting there naked like that, and she just stood there and started lecturing us. She told us how terrible STDs are, that we should masturbate because it’s healthy and will keep us out of trouble, she actually stretched a condom on a banana, and then she went into the whole testicle cancer thing, that it can affect boys our age and how we should check ourselves every month.

It was all the sexual stuff I’ve heard before, so I was like tuning it out. My mind wandered, and I found myself kind of staring at the dicks sitting there in front of me. I imagined how it would be if we were all sitting there wanking. Innocent thought, right?

The problem is, I started getting erect. In a moment, despite my best efforts to think about math or something and will it away, there was nothing I could do.

I thought about covering it with my hands, but that would make it even more obvious. I’m sure I must have been blushing, because I could feel the heat in my cheeks. I was so embarrassed! I felt tears welling up, but through sheer determination, I didn’t start crying.

I don’t want to be gay. That whole scene is too problematic. Like in the TV series Glee, when Kirk, the gay kid, gets thrown in a dumpster. But maybe I am? It worries me. That’s why I wanted this published on the Internet. Maybe some people can leave comments and help me straighten out my thinking. It’s been bugging me for nearly a year.

She finished her lecture, and the erection didn’t go away. It was as hard and big as it had ever been. I couldn’t look any of the boys in the eye. I couldn’t look at them at all.

Mrs. Coletone started going down the benches, having each boy in turn spread his legs wide. She then grabbed his balls with her fingertips feeling for lumps. When it was my turn, I duly spread my legs wide, let her reach in, and do her thing.

It only lasted thirty seconds, but my-oh-my, despite my super-embarrassing state, it was the most amazing feeling in the world! Having one’s balls felt up like that – who knew? I started feeling like I was going to cum. Fortunately, she went on to the next kid at that point.

Finally, it was over. To my surprise, no one jeered me. No one whispered and pointed at the boy who had the erection in front of all the other kids. In fact, next period, Jam (short for ‘Jamaica’), one of the coolest kids in the whole school, came up to me and said, “That was really cool. You have a great boner.” I couldn’t even answer. What does one say to something like that? I just shrugged and walked away.

Months later, I found that two or three of the other kids were erect also. I hadn’t been looking at them, for fear of making my situation worse, so I just didn’t know.

I’m rather ashamed to say that when I got home that afternoon, I jerked off and had a super-strong orgasm remembering the day’s event. And the memory has caused many ejaculations since.

The next ball check was scheduled for April, and I feel very lucky that it was canceled due to Covid.

[In a previous confidence coaching session, had mentioned an uncle that he greatly admires who happens to be bisexual. As a reframe, I simply asked, “Do you know anyone who is bisexual?” He lit up, realizing right away that I was inferring there’s an acceptable alternative besides ‘straight’ and ‘gay.’ He asked for your comments in the section below. Please say something, but be kind.]

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Sword Swallower

I went to a vaudeville revival convention a few years ago. Dancers, musicians, jugglers, mimes, clowns, ventriloquists, comedians, and others attended. I fancied myself a bit of a magician, but it was more a hobby than a profession.

I didn’t know anyone, and I wasn’t even sure they’d let me in, but they welcomed me with open arms. Four days in, and I felt very accepted. I was becoming one of them, seemingly a big, happy, if somewhat weird international family. Most of the people knew each other from years and years back. They grew up in the business together. They’d meet at various theaters and so on. I noticed they were a very horny, sexual lot. There was frequent innuendo and outright sexual discussion. I gathered a lot of intercourse and other activities went on in the hotel rooms among these people.

So one night, a sword swallower, a guy named Jeremy Blue, was going to do a private show. I was invited, along with like a hundred other people. Everyone was saying that it was going to be a very unusual show, with something more than sword swallowing.

So, we’re all chit-chatting in the audience, when the curtain opens, and out comes Jeremy with a tray of various sword-like things.

True to form, he did some real geeky sword swallowing. Now, I’m not really a fan of such things. It’s not a magic trick. It’s real. Sword swallowers have trained their throats to accept foreign objects, and they really do stick metal things down through their esophagus right into the stomach. The thing that was cool, is this guy had a great onstage personality. He was truly funny. You didn’t have to like sword swallowing to enjoy his show.

Next, he did some things with fire. Putting out balls of fire in his mouth. Spitting flames, juggling three flaming balls.

Then, a hush came over the audience. Many of them evidently knew something I didn’t.

Jeremy started doing a striptease on the stage. I thought it was a joke, but he kept going until he had not a stitch on. Not only that, he was more naked than most, explaining that he didn’t have any hair except on the top of his head because it would interfere with his fire show tricks.

He proceeded to rub fire wands over his stomach, chest, and even his face. I couldn’t help noticing that he was growing an erection during this process. He seemed totally unabashed, like an erection on a stage in front of a hundred cheering performers was normal, an everyday occurrence. I was shocked, but somehow fascinated, maybe even delighted also. Now, I’m not gay, but I do appreciate the human body, whether male or female.

He stopped, lit what looked like a wad of cloth on fire, and held the flames under his balls for a very long time. I don’t know why that didn’t burn him. He put that out, and seemed to be done with fire.

Now, he grabbed one last implement from his tray. It looked like a miniature sword. He handed it to someone in the front row, and it was passed around. I got to touch it for a moment. It was indeed a miniature sword, about fifteen inches long, with an additional six inches of a small handle. The edges were not at all sharp. In fact, it was highly polished stainless steel in a sort of oval shape. Somewhat like the handle of a fork, but tapered toward a dull but pointy end.

The small sword came back to the stage, where Jeremy rubbed it with something. In a moment, the smell wafted from the stage down to us in the audience. It was rubbing alcohol. Then he rubbed it with something else, oil I assume. All the while, it never occurred to me what he might do with such a thing. I was too focused on his ongoing erection, which he had continued to ignore during this whole thing with the little sword. He continued to tell funny jokes. Then, he sat in a chair, and the whole crowd leaned forward to see better. A big TV screen lit up behind him, so we didn’t have to strain to see what he was going to do next.

And what he did, sent me into a masturbation frenzy back in my hotel room right after the show. He slowly stuck that sword into his peehole. Eventually all fifteen inches disappeared into his penis, while he was explaining how it felt going past his two sphincters. Did you know there are two urinary sphincters? I didn’t. One is voluntary, the other involuntary, he explained. He left it in a moment, then started masturbating with it buried all the way to the handle. He announced ‘I’m now orgasming.’ We could all see his muscles throughout his body tensing and we could see his penis and perineal area pulsing on the monitor, but nothing came out. He stayed stationary for a couple of minutes. It seemed to take quite a while for his orgasm to end. Then he slowly withdrew the little sword. When the tip came out of his peehole, it was followed by a couple drops of semen. He put on a robe, accepted his very enthusiastic applause with a big smile, and the curtain closed.

I’m no sword swallower, and I value my life, so I’m not going to experiment with Jeremy’s urethral trick, even though the thought has occurred to me. But I hear the urethra is very prone to infection, as well as physical damage, so I’ll stick with ordinary masturbation – while I replay in my mind what Jeremy did, thank you very much!

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Small Cock

Short memoir by a person with a small penis

It was my friend Jason who first told me. I mean wanking with him, it was obvious that his cock was bigger than mine, but I hadn’t given it much thought. I just thought he was extraordinarily large. Then later, my second serious girlfriend, Mattie, confirmed it. Until then, I didn’t realize my cock was smaller than anyone else’s. It turns out I masturbate and fuck just like anyone else. I mean, my orgasms are just like your orgasms. I’m sure every bit as strong. Maybe stronger. The only differences are:

1. When I stroke, it’s usually with my thumb and just one finger. Sometimes two fingers.

2. Mattie told me that she couldn’t really feel my cock in her cunt. In order to give her orgasms, I had to either use my tongue, fingers, or rub my cockhead all externally against her clit. But she also told me that most women aren’t satisfied, I mean orgasmically, with ordinary fucking.

So, maybe around age 19, I figured out that I really do have a small cock. Since I’m otherwise well-proportioned, and I’m told I have a ‘winning’ personality, I’ve not had any more trouble than the next guy making and keeping friends.

However, I do have a high libido. I really like sex, and even more, I have to admit, I just love masturbating with friends, either male or female. That, I can’t get enough of. I really wanted more, since opportunities were few and far between. Then my confidence coach told me to ‘just go for it.’

At first, I didn’t really understand, and I felt too shy, and, well, I’m sure you know. You don’t just walk up to people you barely know, and say, “Hey, wanna fool around?”

Well, it turns out, I found a way in. A sort of secret passage that works every time. It’s no secret really, and I’m sure you ordinary-cocked guys can come up with something similar.

With a new potential friend, I’ll steer the conversation to sexual matters. It doesn’t take much. Most people are secretly thinking ‘sex’ all the time. Often, they bring up something risque first. I just guide the conversation a little bit. I’ll admit that I have a small cock. Then, I steer the conversation a bit more until I can say, “Wanna see how small it is?” Or, “Let’s see how it compares to yours.” What guy can resist that?

Of course, once the cocks are out, it’s not much of a journey to mutual wanking.

With the girls, the conversation can go more like, “Have you ever been with a guy who has a small cock?” Or, “If a guy had a small cock, let’s say, would you be satisfied with what he could do with his fingers and tongue?” Or, better yet, “My cock is small, but a lot of cum spurts out. Want to see?” Oddly, they almost always say “Yes.”

Here’s the bit that I particularly am proud of: Almost everyone I’ve been with says they are particularly attracted to my small penis. So, I keep it hairless to enhance the effect. I think I look like a little kid, but hey, if they like it, it’s OK with me!

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Shower Exhibitionist

I saw what you wrote about the guy who had a college roommate who jerked off in front of him all the time. Who is it?

[I’m not going to say.]

Come on, I probably know him. I might have seen him in your waiting room, right?

[You know I can’t reveal that!]

Well anyway, it made me remember a time that I felt the same way. Like, “Oh, if only I was as bold and free as that guy.”

You see, our YMCA is old-school. I mean the shower room isn’t individual stalls the way they are in most modern buildings. We have a large tiled square room with like six shower heads along each wall. You walk up to one, turn it on, and shower in front of all the guys. No big deal right?

But one day, just this one time, there was a guy in there I hadn’t seen before. He was young. My age, maybe 26. He was tall, thin and had longish black hair. Well the thing about him, and he started off normally enough – soaping up his hair, his shoulders, his underarms, working his way down to his feet. Then he rinsed all the soap off. I thought nothing about it, although I glanced over from time to time.

Oh, I’m not gay, or at least not very much, but I do check the guys out, especially the good-looking ones. And, sometimes the older gents. There’s something about a gray-haired man that makes you respect him and want to know him, and something more. He’s kind of attractive in a way. I mean, a little bit.

Well anyway, this young guy finishes rinsing off, and I figured he’d walk right past me to get his towel. I always take a shower head near the entrance, so people have to walk right past me. So maybe I’m a bit more gay than I care to admit. [He laughs.]

But he stayed under the water spray. Then he did the most unexpected thing. He started playing with his cock. Right there in front of everyone. There were about four other guys in the room, plus me, and we all had a clear view of this guy.

Pretty soon he was jerking off in earnest. His penis was fully erect, and after a couple of minutes, he was rocking up on his toes, convulsing – you could see his calf muscles working, and ejaculating into the drain at his feet.

Then, he turned off the shower, walked past me, got his towel and left.

We, me and the other guys in the shower room, we kind of know each other a little bit, and we often have brief conversations in the shower. Not this time. We were shocked. No one said a word.

The guy had made a bit of eye contact with each of us, but nothing more, except when he walked past me, like when he was just three feet (one meter) away, he winked at me and smiled.

I’ve never seen him since. However, for the next several months, I was a very dedicated gym member. I was exercising 4 or 5 times a week. My wife thought my new fitness craze was good for me, but missed my company. I kept hoping to see him again, but nothing.

I have no idea what would have happened had he come back. Would he have repeated the performance? Would I, or anyone else there, copy him? Would we possibly even get more involved? You hear about blowjobs in public showers and all that. But maybe most of all, I’d like to have known his story. Why did he do that? Was he an exhibitionist? Did he think it was normal? Was he making a statement?

I guess I’ll never know. But here’s the thing: I keep thinking someone has to carry on in his tradition. I mean, what if I jerked off in the shower at the Y? Wouldn’t that be a great and interesting thing to do? I’m sure no one would ‘bust’ me or anything. I could just do it, and see what happens. And yet I haven’t, and probably never will.