I was born this way. That’s what people always say when they want to excuse something.
I don’t want to excuse the way I am. I’m proud to be me, in every way.
It wasn’t always honest about it. In my adolescence, my friends were always carrying on about girls. They didn’t even know what they were talking about, but went on pontificating about sex as if they were great experts. They’d say they want to ‘fuck this girl,’ or ‘fuck that girl.’ Meanwhile, I just wanted to fuck them – my male friends. Well, actually, I didn’t want to fuck them at all. Anal sex wasn’t in my mind. I just wanted to see them naked, see them erect, see their assholes, maybe fondle their cocks and balls, and have them fondle me.
Yet, I didn’t carry on. I didn’t say anything about it at all. I was afraid of being clobbered. Or, maybe just made fun of, which is a huge thing for kids.
Then I started watching M*A*S*H* reruns. There was this guy called Radar O’Reilly, who was small, wore glasses, had large ears, and had a sweet disposition unlike the ‘cool’ doctors, the stars of the series. His strengths were that he was a good organizer, and could hear slight sounds at a great distance.
The thing is, he was himself. He was confident within his own abilities.
There was something about that which I liked. Like Radar, I’m rather short. Now, I don’t need glasses, and don’t have big ears, but I am different. I started to realize I should revel in my difference, not be shamed by it.
My parents taught me to be honest. They reinforced the Radar O’Reilly thing. “Be who you are,” they’d always say. Years later, I found out my father is bisexual, which delighted me, although he and I have never done anything together. Maybe someday…
So, as I was coming into my teenage years, I started identifying as gay. I invited some of my friends to jerk off with me. And you know what? They went for it. At that age, I had many wanking buddies, and we all had a good time. Not once that I can remember, was I teased for my preference.
Supposedly, gay men are sometimes targets in our society. Like in the TV series Glee, Kurt gets tossed into a garbage dumpster because he’s gay. (Later it turns out that the primary instigator of Kurt’s teasing is a closeted gay.) Nothing like being tossed in a dumpster has ever happened to me. Maybe if this was the 1960s. I’m certainly glad it isn’t like that these days.
As to wanking, it usually went like this: Me and another guy would be hanging at his house or mine, or at a treehouse in the neighboring woods. We’d get naked, and he’d jerk me off, then I’d jerk him off. Sometimes in the other order, me, then him. We never kissed, we never did anal sex, we never sucked each other off…. Well, hang on a sec. Yes, sometimes we did give each other blowjobs. I never cared for that much. That’s why I say I’m a little bit on the Asperger’s scale. Because I don’t care for kissing or any of that. While it is true that no one ever buttfucked each other, we did stick fingers and toys in each others butts. I don’t recall exactly, but I’m pretty sure we were already educated about STDs.
Now that I’m an adult, people all know I’m gay. Women find it especially attractive. Some have tried to convert me. I’ve had sex with women, It was enjoyable, but it’s just not my thing. I don’t know why. I guess I was just born this way. Hey, what am I saying? Anyway, I see a naked woman, and it looks to me as if she’s injured, like she has a wound between her legs. And to me, large breasts seem ridiculous. Why would anyone want such encumbrances hanging off their chests? Actually, I’ll admit that when I see a flat-chested woman, I can find her attractive. Somewhat attractive, anyway.
I live alone and love it that way. But, on average of perhaps twice a week, I have a guy over and we give a great time rubbing each other off. There are about six guys in my life who are great friends, and we love getting naked, being unashamedly erect in front of other guys, and giving each other handjobs. We experiment with all sorts of variations, like tormenting each other with glans rubbing, trying to enjoy post-orgasm stimulation, and also very light, non-orgasmic things, like scrotum tickling, or swirling a fingertip very lightly around a guy’s anus. A couple of times, we’ve had masturbation orgies at my place, where between four and ten people get together. That’s my life, and I’m loving it.