This article was written up by Jeremy Watson, a confidence coach.
You know why I came to you. Actors need confidence, right? Actually, I’m a magician. Have been since age 11. An aunt gave me a magic set for Christmas, which I put in a closet and ignored for months. Then one day, I opened it up, and looked at the various little foam balls, the little linking rings, the wand, and all the little plastic bits. Finally, I got to the instruction manual, and tried a couple of tricks out. I showed my older brother. Jason admires everything I do, so maybe he was faking it, but he seemed truly delighted, so that egged me on and I learned a few more illusions.
Fast forward to now. Here I am 19 years old, and my magic performances have led me to an interest in performance in general. Sure, I’d love to have a great career in television or film, and I fully expect to do so!
[Jeremy laughs. “Of all my clients, you are the least likely to need a confidence coach!”]
Yes, but I want even more.
No, I’ve never really had stage fright except once, and I’m not sure I want to tell you about that. I’ve performed magic for audiences as few as one, and as many as a few hundred, and no, I never really had what you’d call stage fright. I think it’s because I’m coming from a different direction. You see, most people worry that they’ll screw up. I, on the other hand, approach every performance as like, ‘I can’t wait to show these people what I can do, and they’ll be delighted!’ Oh, I realize I might make a mistake, but I can cover just about anything with comedy, and they’ll love me no matter what.
[Jeremy laughts again. “Dude, you are so far ahead of the game!” At that point, Jeremy asks about the one experience the client doesn’t want to talk about.]
Well, I’ve read the stuff you post on your website. I think everyone reads it, and I suppose this would be a great story to add. Yeah, yes, OK. Yeah, you can go ahead and post it, just don’t say who I am or describe my physical details in any great degree.
OK, so we have a twelve-member group in our school [a college of performing arts] called the Junto. It’s named after an intellectual club that Ben Franklin started. There are six men, and six women. We get together every Tuesday for intellectual discussion and mutual support. On one particular Tuesday a couple of months ago, we got into a discussion about what is the most difficult acting to portray. We decided it would be to have to confront things that we, in real life, don’t want to confront, to face, to do.
So one guy says it’s being with a cat. It seems, at least to him, that television acting often requires scenes with cats, and it would scare the bejeepers out of him. One of the women in the group says swimming. She is terrified of swimming. A guy said he would have a tough time with crying in front of an audience. This is especially difficult for him, because he knows it will come up sooner or later in our education. That he will have to put on a performance in front of his teachers and classmates in which he will have to cry. We discussed that at some length.
Then it was my turn to say what I was afraid of – what I could never portray on stage. Somehow, I hadn’t prepared an answer. I thought about it, while everyone was staring at me waiting for me to say something, and nothing came to mind. Maybe portray a bicycle accident? No, crazy. Crying, no. Laughing on cue might be difficult, but no, that wasn’t really it. Finally, I blurted it out before I thought it fully through:
The one thing I could never do in front of anyone would be to masturbate.
They all laughed, and we went on to the other people, who had their own concerns or phobias. Like Mitch, who said he could never perform in any way with real insects. Even fake ones.
As a group, we were starting to figure out that it would be very cathartic for us to each perform the one thing we were afraid to face within the Junto.
Oh geez, I was thinking. Surely they wouldn’t make me… But I guess each one of us was thinking the same thing about our own deal.
Next Tuesday rolled around, and we had collected a bunch of ladybugs, ants and such, and with a couple of video cameras rolling, and all eleven other Junto members gathered around, Mitch faced his fear, and let insects crawl on his hand. He handled it bravely, and thanked us all profusely. He said it was easier than he had imagined, and now felt better about insects in general.
The second performance of the day was with Maddie. She had to ride a bicycle, which interestingly, she was able to do. Quite well in fact, but she said it scared her somehow, and whether she was acting or not, I couldn’t tell, but she seemed really, scared. She was sweating and her voice was all nervous. But she did it, even though our little room barely had enough space to ride a bike more than a few feet.
The next week was like the first, in which two people faced their fears. In both cases, they had scripted scenes, and were good, brave actors.
It was decided that the next week was to be my scene, and Sandra. Her fear was somewhat like mine, so it made sense that we would have our ‘performances’ on the same evening. She was very concerned about being in a nude sex scene.
It was a terrible week for me. I couldn’t sleep, and replayed the scene I was to perform over and over in my mind a million times. Sometimes it made me horny to think about jerking off in front of my eleven friends, but most of the time it simply terrified me.
Yup, I practiced the scene by myself a few times, complete with ejaculation.
The plan was that Bruce and Sandra would have a sex scene, and I would be sitting in a chair watching them, and masturbating. The specific scenario was sort of interesting. They would be portraying actors in a pornographic movie, and I would be the over-sexed director. The rest of the Junto would portray camera operators, the producer, and so on. Lloyd was going to operate a real camera, since we had been capturing all our performances for later study.
Someone procured a bed, and a recliner chair, and we set it up on one side of the room as a sort of stage set.
So, Tuesday rolled around. There was no backing out. This was the Junto, and the people in the preceding weeks had all bravely done their thing, and came through just fine. Sandra, Bruce and I came into the room wearing bathrobes and nothing else.
Bruce was the first to throw open his robe, and we could see that his penis was semi-erect. Sandra was braver than I would have figured, simply stepping out of her robe in front of the whole group as if she had done it a thousand times before. I didn’t expect that. I thought she’d make a big fuss, maybe even be the first to run off and fail in our project. I think I even secretly hoped she would, so then I wouldn’t have to do my part. She was tall, blond, and thin, with long hair. A real looker, and she kept her vagina shaved. Very nice!
She and Bruce jumped on the bed, and started to do things. In true sex scene form, they didn’t actually penetrate each other in any way, but they rolled all over the bed and kissed. They kept their crotches pinned together most of the time and the only sexual thing you could see were her breasts from time to time. Oh, and both their asses. Bruce, tall and thin, had a hairy, skinny ass. I don’t know why, but I almost laughed at how small his ass really was. I guess I needed the comic relief to help face what was to come next.
I happened to notice that Bruce lost his semi erection. While he was rolling around with Sandra, I would have thought he’d get hard as a rock. I don’t know why he didn’t. But, I wished he had, because there was something about having an erection in front of my fellow students, something about being the ONLY ONE with an erection that really, really bothered me. But, it was showtime, folks…
So, I threw off my robe and took up my position in the chair. It was a recliner, and I was to be stretched out in it. There was no hiding of anything. My penis was as soft and small as it had ever been. Suddenly, I was ashamed of the fact that I always shaved my balls. Oh, I know lots of guys do it these days, but I didn’t want them to think I was a pervert or something. I wish they had been covered with hair like Bruce’s. And my dick was really small. Now, on top of everything else, that bothered me.
And that turned out to be a good thing, because now, instead of worrying about being seen with an erection, I was worried about NOT being seen with an erection. Human nature is a funny thing, isn’t it?
OK, so there I was in the chair, with two cameras focused on me. One on my face, one on my crotch, and I had to jerk off. So, I went through the motion. I started moving my hand up and down on my penis. I was actually doing it, but it wasn’t real. I was acting, because my penis was soft. But then, after perhaps a full minute of just moving my hand up and down, and staying in character – pretending to lust after the scene on the bed, something happened. I really did start to lust after the scene on the bed. I was really quite attracted to Sandra. And Bruce too, skinny ass and all. At one point, they shifted position again, and I saw Bruce’s balls and asshole quite clearly, and then a moment later, I saw Sandra’s shaved little pink asshole and pussy. I hardened. I actually got an erection in front of all of my friends. I was thrilled, delighted, and, horned up!
I started jerking off in earnest, and then it happened. I ejaculated in front of everyone. When the scene ended, and we put our robes back on, I was disappointed. I wanted more! I do to this day. I’d love to perform in a porno flick. Or even, just jerk off in front of friends again. I have no idea how to arrange such a thing. A circle jerk perhaps. Or at least a nude party, and see where it leads. And this, is part of why I need to build my confidence. How in the world can I get a circle jerk together? I need your help Jeremy!